


I Loved You, I Left You in Los Santos

by victornikiforov



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Fake AH Crew, Freewood - Freeform, M/M, alcohol mention, drug mention, i kind of like it so that's cool, implied mavin, implied turnfree, uhh??? this is my first posted fic so pls be nice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-15
Updated: 2015-06-15
Packaged: 2018-04-04 12:12:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4137021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/victornikiforov/pseuds/victornikiforov
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I want to go everywhere," he says. He turns around to face the other man. "Bucket list," The other man replies. He steps up to the edge of the roof and looks out over the city. He can feel the other man's presence beside him and turns his head to look at him. "I'll come with you."</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Loved You, I Left You in Los Santos

**Author's Note:**

> so this is my first fic i've posted on here. i'm not sure if it's good or not? i just had fun writing it really. feedback is really appreciated!

"I want to go everywhere," he says. He turns around to face the other man. "Bucket list," The other man replies. He steps up to the edge of the roof and looks out over the city. He can feel the other man's presence beside him and turns his head to look at him."I'll come with you." He knows the other man is smiling behind the gas mask as he takes his hand. "Gavin, this is your home; you've built a life here. Don't throw that all away for me." Gavin sighs, it comes out muffled behind the mask. "I've made a life with you, too, Ryan."

Ryan pulls his own mask off. He feels exposed, like the whole of Los Santos can see him up here. The Maze Bank towers high above the city. The movement of people below seems so small. He suddenly feels too big in his skin, like he's miles taller than the entire world. He knows Gavin has always felt too small. It crosses his mind that maybe he makes Gavin feel bigger. He wonders if that's why Gavin has always stuck so close to him, wonders if that's the reason Gavin wants to follow him across the planet. Like he could take on the whole world as long as Ryan was there. He feels narcissistic. 

"And Geoff? What will happen when we leave?" He moves to pull his hand away from Gavin's. The man only tightens his grip. "Geoff loves us, whether he admits it or not. We're his family, he would support us if we died and haunted his ass. Tell us to do what makes us happy. Besides, would we really be gone forever? This is your home as much as it's mine, Ry. You know you would come running back here the second you got homesick." Ryan knows he's right. Suddenly he feels much smaller. Ryan wonders if Gavin is the one who makes him feel like he can take on the world. 

"Come on, Ry. We need to go." Gavin steps back away from the edge and tugs Ryan gently with him. He lifts a hand to pull his mask off and turns back to Ryan to smile at him. Something clicks inside Ryan. He feels his heart swelling and his breath catch in his throat. He can't breathe for a second, and his heart rate picks up. He tightens his grip on Gavin's hand and steps forward quickly, pulling Gavin against him. He takes his hand away from the other man's and rests both on Gavin's face. When Ryan kisses him he feels like it's for the last time. Knows Gavin knows it could be. Kisses him like he's leaving and never coming back and Gavin isn't coming with him. He feels Gavin relax against his chest. Gavin's hand comes up to wrap around his wrist. He wants to stay here on this rooftop forever. But they've been gone too long. The others will ask where they've been. Ryan would rather not face Geoff. Not let the man pick his brain, not tell Geoff that he loves Gavin more than he could have ever imagined. More than he ever wanted to allow himself to. Because Gavin is like Geoff's son. Doesn't want Geoff to know that he's leaving and breaking Gavin's heart in the process. He knows Gavin loves him unconditionally; he has seen Gavin smile with the radiance of ten thousand suns and maybe it's fucking cheesy but Ryan is in love. And maybe Ryan's plan wasn't to be in this for the long haul, and maybe neither was Gavin's but here they are. Head over fucking heels for each other. Two dangerous criminals and Ryan's terrified of hurting Gavin. Gavin's in this for the long haul and he never has been. Not with anyone else. Never Michael, never Meg. Always Ryan and Ryan feels like he's dying as Gavin tries to press closer and his grip on his wrist tightens. Ryan wants Gavin to shatter his bones. Wants Gavin to rip his heart out of his chest and beat him with it. Maybe it would hurt less than this. Maybe he's being selfish. 

When he pulls away, he watches Gavin take his hand again. He knows they fit well together, he wishes they didn't. 

Ryan wants to go everywhere with Gavin. He wants to be selfish and take him with him. He wants Gavin to leave the toxic city. The air is chemical, there's barely enough oxygen to go around. He watches Gavin suck in the air like he's breathing for the first time. Watches Gavin light cigarettes and tell him he's glad to be finally getting fresh air. Factory smog billows up like clouds from Gavin's lungs. He's a machine, Ryan thinks. He oils himself up and spits himself back into gutters outside dart bars. Ryan remembers the first time Geoff met Gavin. He was drunk and smoking and spitting shit about how England never tasted this fucking good. Drugs were God, alcohol was Jesus. Gutters were like church and Ryan remembers Gavin on his hands and knees vomiting up the ash and soot and blood. Ryan remembers his broken laughter and the tears rolling down his dirty face. Ryan remembers watching Michael haul him up and drag him back to Geoff's house. He remembers wishing Gavin didn't do this to himself. He wanted so badly to reinvent him, but Ryan loves Gavin. Wants him to feel alive and if that meant that he had to burn himself down to the ground only to get picked up and thrown back down again then so be it. Maybe it was for the best.

So it's one AM, and Gavin and Ryan walk back to the crew's large penthouse apartment. Gavin swings their hands between them. Ryan feels like he's in some teenage movie, he feels like he's falling in love again. And oh God, he doesn't want to leave. He wants to stay here, in his home, with his boyfriend and his crew. But maybe this is for the best. After all, Ryan hates picking people up when they've fallen down. 

They get home. Ryan unlocks the door and lets them into the quiet apartment. Everyone is asleep, even Ray, who usually stays up well past one AM to play video games. Gavin turns around and runs a hand through Ryan's hair. "I'm gonna go to bed...you wanna join me later?" Ryan presses a kiss to Gavin's forehead, "I'll be there soon. I have to go get ready." Gavin heads towards his room and closes the door behind him. Ryan sinks down at the kitchen barstool and holds his head in his hands. He breathes deeply for a few seconds, trying to calm his heart down. He feels like he's drowning. 

After some time, he heads towards his own designated room to pack. He throws clothes into a backpack, along with some necessities and weapons. When he's finished, he heads into the bathroom to shower. He stands under the water for some time and shakes. When it gets too cold, he steps out, dries off, and heads for Gavin's room. He tucks himself into bed beside the man and runs a hand through his hair gently. Listens to Gavin's slow breathing and stares out the large windows. He watches the city, and for the first time in a long time he feels desperately lonely. He longs to stay, to allow himself to be in love with Gavin and to be apart of a crew. He wants desperately to not be lonely again, but knows that this has become too much. That he's getting in too deep and that after some time, he would have to leave anyway. He thinks that he may as well spare Gavin the extra heartache. Thinks that he might as well save Geoff some well earned money. And so he stays for the rest of the night. Even falls asleep at one point. And when he wakes up, he goes to his room. He unpacks his things, and he stays. Because maybe Gavin would have gotten over it, maybe Geoff would find another employee. But Ryan's selfish, Ryan loves them all too much. Wants to spare himself the heartache, never wants to know what it's like to leave Gavin and know that he's already in the process of forgetting. Maybe leaving was always the plan, but maybe Ryan's too selfish for that. And so he'll stay.


End file.
